Yes, Yes, Yes.

When I walked through the park this morning, I asked God, if it was okay I treat the giant subject of YES and NO. She answered me as she did Kaylin Haught in her poem God Says Yes to Me (see below).

I continued. Is it okay I admit to my mind being a battleground sometimes, the YESs and the NOs lined up on each side of the combat zone, ready for action? She answered me, honey (she calls me that sometimes), you can do exactly what you want to.

Thanks God, I said. Though I wasn’t sure she would be pleased with what I had to say.

For here’s the thing, I am a warmonger. Or rather, I am a field of conflict. I line my YESs and NOs on each side, and wait. At times the soldiers look like tiny, tin figures, clothed in historic uniforms with bright red jackets and tall, silly hats. That’s when I stand by the sidelines and giggle.

But there are times when the YESs and the NOs are dressed up for modern warfare. They resemble something from outer space, their bulky, camouflaged uniforms bejeweled by automatic weapons and bulletproof vests. These soldiers mean business.

When I see them, I duck for cover. Till I slowly raise one arm, V my two fingers and plead with a small, meek voice: Peace! Please!

I asked God, if it was time to be the diplomat and listen to what both parties had to say. She nodded.

So I called for the NO team to step forward.

A tall man with a sleek suit and shiny black shoes appeared. He said - I’m here to protect you. I am your body guard and your border patrol. Remember the time you didn’t want to attend that meeting? Do you recall when you didn’t want to do that job? Do you recognize all those times I have stopped incoming thoughts of fear and suspicion? Have you noticed how I intervene when you think you have to, but you don’t want to?

I bowed my head and said Thank You!

The YES team had equally good arguments.

I am your sun (no less!), she said, a woman dressed in a silky red shirt and skirt and shoes with small, sparkly diamonds. I am the one who bought your tickets to England first time you went, I am the one who opened your arms and your womb (she’s not shy, this girl!), I let you stay at home when the boys were small, I urged you to travel to France last month, I gave you permission to blog.

I said, I’m sorry YES, I had no idea.

For actually, I had confused the YES with the NO!

I had thought it was “YES, you are a lazy bastard” that had prevented me from doing that job. I had imagined it was “NO, you are certainly no superwoman” that had made me stay at home with the boys.

I asked God if she thinks I am a bit confused at times. She said yes. I said, do you think I possibly might get it right? Sweetcakes, she said, who knows where she picked that up, what I’m telling you is yes, yes, yes.


***

God Says Yes to Me - Kaylin Haught

I asked God if it was okay to be melodramatic
and she said yes
I asked her if it was okay to be short
and she said it sure is
I asked her if I could wear nail polish
or not wear nail polish
and she said honey
she calls me that sometimes
she said you can do just exactly
what you want to
Thanks God I said
And is it even okay if I don't paragraph
my letters
Sweetcakes God said
who knows where she picked that up
what I'm telling you is
Yes Yes Yes