The Human Yes

Do you remember him? Or her? That one single teacher who in one brief moment looked you straight in the heart and recognized the center of your being?

Kaylin Haught in “God Says Yes to Me” writes about the Royal YES. Yet there is something about the human yes that is so solid, so physical, so real it almost feels as one of those seeds you buy in small, paper packets.

The resulting flowers have names like Confidence, Courage, Determination.

One of those seeds was planted in me the first year of university. I was young and had yet to understand the concept of education. Learning, I thought, was all about remembering and repeating the words of others. I had no idea discovering your own was its main concern.

My philosophy tutor was a dark, handsome American who insisted on calling me Crete. My name has little to do with the Greek Island, but I was too shy to object. Also I was too shy to believe I had a voice that mattered.

Week after week the American would look at me with sad, brown eyes, and plead, “But what do YOU think, Crete, what is YOUR opinion?” I was unsure as to what he meant, uncertain what he wanted. For what had MY opinion to do with it? Was I not here to learn my Plato and Socrates?

Then came the last day of term. My paper was all about art. About the necessity of art. About how we create, and how our creation in turn creates us. About how the two mirror each other.

We were five students in our tutorial, all crammed into the professor’s small office. Having slumped down on our chairs, we were quiet, waiting for the verdict. One by one the papers were handed out by the American, accompanied with a small remark. When he turned to me, there was a smile in his eyes. Yes, he exclaimed, Yes, Yes, YESSS!

Yes Again

I’m walking Kaylin Haught’s poem God Says Yes to Me this week.

The title says it all.

Yes, Yes, Yes.

When I walked through the park this morning, I asked God, if it was okay I treat the giant subject of YES and NO. She answered me as she did Kaylin Haught in her poem God Says Yes to Me (see below).

I continued. Is it okay I admit to my mind being a battleground sometimes, the YESs and the NOs lined up on each side of the combat zone, ready for action? She answered me, honey (she calls me that sometimes), you can do exactly what you want to.

Thanks God, I said. Though I wasn’t sure she would be pleased with what I had to say.

For here’s the thing, I am a warmonger. Or rather, I am a field of conflict. I line my YESs and NOs on each side, and wait. At times the soldiers look like tiny, tin figures, clothed in historic uniforms with bright red jackets and tall, silly hats. That’s when I stand by the sidelines and giggle.

But there are times when the YESs and the NOs are dressed up for modern warfare. They resemble something from outer space, their bulky, camouflaged uniforms bejeweled by automatic weapons and bulletproof vests. These soldiers mean business.

When I see them, I duck for cover. Till I slowly raise one arm, V my two fingers and plead with a small, meek voice: Peace! Please!

I asked God, if it was time to be the diplomat and listen to what both parties had to say. She nodded.

So I called for the NO team to step forward.

A tall man with a sleek suit and shiny black shoes appeared. He said - I’m here to protect you. I am your body guard and your border patrol. Remember the time you didn’t want to attend that meeting? Do you recall when you didn’t want to do that job? Do you recognize all those times I have stopped incoming thoughts of fear and suspicion? Have you noticed how I intervene when you think you have to, but you don’t want to?

I bowed my head and said Thank You!

The YES team had equally good arguments.

I am your sun (no less!), she said, a woman dressed in a silky red shirt and skirt and shoes with small, sparkly diamonds. I am the one who bought your tickets to England first time you went, I am the one who opened your arms and your womb (she’s not shy, this girl!), I let you stay at home when the boys were small, I urged you to travel to France last month, I gave you permission to blog.

I said, I’m sorry YES, I had no idea.

For actually, I had confused the YES with the NO!

I had thought it was “YES, you are a lazy bastard” that had prevented me from doing that job. I had imagined it was “NO, you are certainly no superwoman” that had made me stay at home with the boys.

I asked God if she thinks I am a bit confused at times. She said yes. I said, do you think I possibly might get it right? Sweetcakes, she said, who knows where she picked that up, what I’m telling you is yes, yes, yes.


***

God Says Yes to Me - Kaylin Haught

I asked God if it was okay to be melodramatic
and she said yes
I asked her if it was okay to be short
and she said it sure is
I asked her if I could wear nail polish
or not wear nail polish
and she said honey
she calls me that sometimes
she said you can do just exactly
what you want to
Thanks God I said
And is it even okay if I don't paragraph
my letters
Sweetcakes God said
who knows where she picked that up
what I'm telling you is
Yes Yes Yes